Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
