I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
