I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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