He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
