Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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