I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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