I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
