I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
