I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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