Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
