I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
