his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I could fuck to npr.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
