they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
