normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
