dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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