Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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