I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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