my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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