I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
