singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Also, beer. Big fan.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
