how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
