All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
