It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
