im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
