Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
