I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
