News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
