I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
