Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
