'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
