Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
