Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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