i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
