I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
