I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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