Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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