it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
