I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
