I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
