i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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