his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
