mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
