And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
