I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
They should really pass out barf bags in church
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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