what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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