My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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