He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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