Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
