I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
