i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
